


Not like this

by sunkissedskin1328



Series: NLT [1]
Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst, Chloé tells everyone how Mari feels, Depression, Exposure, F/M, Friends to Lovers, I apologize if it's too much, It's awful, Misunderstandings, Plagg doesn't mind, Tikki is pissed, and bullying, doesn't understand feelings, first fic and all that, he cries, hell even I cry, i guess?, poor cat son, she cries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-14
Updated: 2016-09-14
Packaged: 2018-07-24 01:42:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7488432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sunkissedskin1328/pseuds/sunkissedskin1328
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>-“You’re so ridiculous! You and your absurd crush on Adrien!”</p><p>Marinette’s world froze. She never thought Chloe could sink this low.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: First Fic, Non-English Native Speaker.  
> So there'll be a LOT of mistakes, I apologize.
> 
> Trigger warning: Depression and Bullying further down the line.

-“You’re so ridiculous! You and your absurd crush on Adrien!”

Marinette’s world froze. She never thought Chloe could sink this low. 

The blush that spread through her face couldn’t be avoided. Trying to stay calm she hoped she could still save the situation.

-“I mean seriously!” - the blonde continued her sneer. - “Even if he did you the favour of noticing your existence. You, Marinette Dupain-Cheng are nothing but a disaster waiting to happen. Do you really think he’d settle for… -Teal eyes traveled up and down Marinette’s body. - someone like you? Ha!” -Chloe laughed, throwing her nose in the air. Taking a step closer to tower the other girl she added. - “ Stop wasting your time on a hopeless case, Marinette. You’ll never be good enough for him.”

\- “Stop it Chloe!”

It was then that Marinette remembered where they were. 

Class had ended two minutes ago. Alya had gone to the restroom right after the bell sounded and Marinette had jumped off her desk to catch up with her as soon as she gathered her stuff. She crashed against Chloe as they made their way to the door (which is how the discussion had started) . The rest of their classmates were still on their places, gathering their things before leaving. 

The classroom was silent, she noticed, the usual after-school conversations dying out after hearing Chloe’s incrimination. 

Against her better judgement, Marinette turned to look at her audience and saw how everyone’s expressions would change once they looked back at her. Feeling exposed, the blunette confused the worry behind her friend’s eyes with pity, hurting her more than anything Chloe could ever say.

The little voice inside her head, the one that only lets her feel good about herself while wearing spots, grew louder by the second, until it became the only thing she could hear.

_I’m not good enough. That’s what everyone’s thinking. That’s why they can’t even look at me. They feel sorry...for me_

Her eyes started watering.

Her hands started shaking.

And her heart started beating with such force, Marinette was sure it could be seen through her clothes.

She registered the voice that’d stopped Chloe and cursed her luck for letting him see her like this. 

She looked at him before she could stop herself.

Standing there, with closed fists, tensed shoulders and an angry expression that fell from his face as soon as he looked at her; was Adrien. The boy she’d cared about for months now. He was looking at her just like she thought everyone else was, with thinly veiled pity in his eyes.

The tears started falling after that realization. Turning around, she made a run for the door, glad that her things were already on her shoulder. 

Marinette knew she shouldn’t run away. She was sure it only confirmed her feelings for him, if the tears rolling down her cheeks hadn’t been confirmation enough. She was aware that that was what Chloe wanted and she knew, from years of being in the same classroom as her, that letting her get her way would only make things worse.

Still, she couldn’t see it in herself to care right now. 

She just wanted to get away from everything.

She wanted to get away from everyone.

As she made her way downstairs, all Marinette could think of was getting home and trying to forget this. After spending months trying to work up the courage to talk to him and share her feelings with him, being exposed like this was something she couldn’t bear. 

Marinette was so engrossed in her thoughts, she didn’t hear the person calling after her. It wasn’t until she felt a hand on her shoulder that she noticed their presence. 

Fully expecting to see Alya, she took a deep breath in an attempt to calm down, already thinking of what to tell her friend so she wouldn’t make a bigger deal of the situation. Marinette turned around. When she looked at the person in front of her, the fake smile she’d muster fell from her lips and her eyes widened in shock, as the blonde boy that had stopped her escape smiled apologetically and rubbed the back of his neck.

-”Wow Mari, you’re uh...pretty fast.” - Adrien said, trying to keep things as light as possible after the whole Chloe drama.

If he was being honest, Adrien couldn’t believe this was actually happening. Being used to their arguing, he’d tuned the discussion out a bit. Focusing back on the girls after Chloe said his name, it took him a while to understand what had been said, and by then Chloe had already said awful things about his shy friend. When he looked at Marinette, he saw the truth behind Chloe’s remark. 

It may have been said as a way to hurt her, but it wasn’t a lie. 

Her attitude towards him made a lot more sense now.

To say he was flattered would be an understatement. From the moment he’d met her, Adrien had seen the strength in Marinette. And when she forgave him for the gum incident, he was granted the opportunity to see so much more in her. The warmth he’d felt under her gaze that rainy day was something he hadn’t been able to forget. But his heart belonged to someone else and he knew how painful it was to pin after someone who’s not interested, he didn’t want one of his first friends to go through that. 

-”Um...listen” - _How do I do this without hurting her?_ \- “about what Chloe said...”.

While Adrien rambled Marinette was left to look at their shoes in an attempt to calm down. She didn’t want to cry in front of him, and she was sure that one look at him would make her efforts go to waste.

After taking a deep breath, Adrien finally found his words. - “ I’m very flattered Marinette, really…”- He tried to find her eyes, if only to let her see how much he meant those few words. Looking up, she couldn’t help but hope things weren’t as bad as they seemed to be.  
-”But I have feelings for someone else...”

_Of course._

She looked away once more. A tear rolled down her cheek

-” And I think you deserve to know that, Mari.” - After a couple seconds of silence Adrien took a step closer and, like he’d normally do, placed a hand on her shoulder. -” The last thing I want is to hurt you.”

_Too late..._

He kept talking, but Marinette wasn’t listening. Maybe if she’d confessed how she felt on her own terms she’d appreciate the concern in his voice, the way he carefully chose each word and phrase, so she could see how much he cared for her. But things didn’t happen like that, instead someone had used her feelings towards him as an attempt to hurt her. Marinette never imagined someone would do this to her.

It was all too much; his concern, the way he’d looked at her, the weight of his hand on her shoulder, the sound of his voice, it was all so...Adrien. She wanted to stop caring for him. After today, all she wanted was to forget about her stupid crush and put this whole thing behind her. She wanted this to be over, but here he was, being as kind and nice as he was all those months ago under the rain. She couldn’t take it anymore.

-”Adrien please, j-just” - She interrupted him, still looking away. And with a shaky breath she said. -”leave me alone”.

In the back of her mind she knew she was being unfair to him, but the past five minutes had been the worst she’d experienced in a long time. She just wanted to go home, cry and maybe sleep, in the hopes of waking up and finding out this whole disaster was nothing but a nightmare. 

She took a step back, getting out of his reach. A part of her wondered if that would be the last time he’d do the Shoulder Thing™ to her, Marinette called it the Stupid Part of her, and turned around, walking away without looking at Adrien’s face.

If she had looked at him, she would have seen the mixture of emotions the model was experiencing. Ever since she asked him to leave her alone, surprise had been a big part of the mix, along with hurt. But looking at her now, walking away with her head bent down, pain is the only word he can use to describe how he feels. It pains him to know that in all the months of knowing Marinette, he’d never seen his short classmate looking as little as she does now.

Funny, how the same place that saw their friendship begin, was the witness of what felt like the end of it.


	2. Chapter 2

Adrien dropped his backpack on the floor of his room and jumped face first into his pillows. This had been his worst day at school so far. 

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Marinette’s shocked face looking at him from the front of the classroom. Being surrounded by inexpressive blue eyes, he’d always enjoyed the many emotions he could see in hers. But right now, those eyes and her shaky voice asking him to leave her alone, did nothing but hunt him.

In the back of his head, a small voice kept reminding him that it wasn’t his fault, but the wounds were too fresh to pay attention to it. Instead he was torturing himself with the “If I had” game.

_If I had intervened earlier in the fight, Chloé wouldn’t have said what she did._

_If I had noticed her crush sooner, I could’ve talked to her before Chloé told the whole class about it._

_If I hadn’t help her with her uncle…_

_If I had waited for Mylène like she suggested..._

_If I hadn’t gone to her house that one time…_

_If I hadn’t apologized to her after the gum incident…_

_Maybe she wouldn’t have liked me in the first place._

Guilt game or not, if the blonde was sure of one thing, it was that his friend didn’t deserve to be in this situation.

“Ugh, don’t worry about me kid, I’ll just die under your books”, Plagg said as he flew out of Adrien’s bag. “I hope you don’t need to transform soon, I have to recover.” 

“Not now, Plagg”, Adrien responded, his voice muffled by a pillow.

“What, you’re still thinking of your girlfriend? ” The Kwami landed on the bedroom’s desktop, already looking for his stash of cheese. 

“This isn’t a joke, Marinette was really hurt..” the boy responded, turning on his back to look at the roof. “..I’ve never seen her like that” He added almost to himself, thinking back to every interaction he’s had with the girl. 

Sure, in most of their direct conversations she was a blushing bundle of nerves, but whenever she talked with Alya, Nino or, anyone but Chloé really, she was usually smiling kindly at everyone. It didn’t matter if you had a question about school or a suggestion for her as class president, she’d listen to you, and would try to help as much as she could. 

Adrien couldn’t remember a moment where she flat out refused to help someone. _That’s how nice she is_ , he thought. She’d even help Chat against the Evillustrator! She basically saved them from sinking with the ship. She was so brave, going on that date with Nathanaël after he got Akumatized for…

“Oh no!” Jumping from the bed, he sat at his desktop and moved the mouse around to wake up his computer. 

“Hey, watch it!” Came Plagg’s indignant cry as he tumbled in the air after being hit with the mouse.

“Sorry Plagg, I’ll get you extra Camembert, I swear!”. As soon as his homepage (the Ladyblog) loaded he tried to find if anything had been posted recently. It wasn’t until the third time he hit refresh, and saw last night’s post appear again, that he remembered Alya was Marinette’s best friend.

_Right, she’s probably consoling her after today. So that’s a good thing, isn’t it? If Marinette had been…Akumatized, it would be on the blog by now, right?_

A twisting feeling in his gut made him open a new tab and type the name of the local news’ website. Adrien felt his stomach drop when he read the first headline on the site.

**AKUMA CAUSES MAYHEM NEAR EIFFEL TOWER.**

Plagg’s never seen him jump faster into action.

 

 

 

Running the Ladyblog came with a couple of perks. You get to run around Paris and discover everything the city has to offer (if journalism doesn't pay off, Alya could always start her own Sightseeing Tour). Meeting and, sometimes, bonding with Paris’ heroes. And of course, gathering a lot of valuable information on everything Ladybug related, that includes the Akuma. 

Alya knows, from both research and personal experience, that the main ingredient for an Akuma possession is emotional distress. She also knows that adding Chloé to the recipe will only make things worse. 

That’s why, as she stands under the door to her best friend’s room, she can’t stop thinking of the worst. “Marinette, are you okay?! ”

Silence.

“Mari!! Please answer me, girl!!”. Some shuffling could be heard from the other side of the hatch, along with someone’s muffled voice. “If that’s Hawkmoth tell him you’re not interested! I’ll help you get Chloé, we don’t need him!” 

When Nino told her what had happened while she was in the bathroom, the first thing that crossed the aspiring journalist’s mind, was Murder. Oh yeah, the major’s daughter had her days counted, because no one messes with Alya’s best friend. Especially if they messed with something as sensitive as her friend’s crush.

As annoying as the girl’s fangirling may be at times, Alya knew her best friend’s feelings were something more than a simple crush. And right now, all those feelings combined with her, totally unfounded, insecurities left the redhead to imagine how painful this was for her.

Finally, the hatch opened “I’m fine Alya, you don’t have to worry about me”, Marinette said as she walked to her chaise.

“Did you tell Hawkmoth you don’t need him because you have me?”. The redhead wheeled the desk chair close to her friend, so they were seated in front of each other. Marinette’s eyes and nose were red and runny, she’d been crying.

“Sure Alya. Once I told him you’re the crazy girl who always runs towards the Akuma instead of away from them, he left me alone.” Marinette said, the smile on her face fake.

All joking aside, Alya reached for her best friend’s hand. “How are you, Mari?”

A sigh. “I’ve been better.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really.” Marinette turned her head, trying to wipe away a tear as discreetly as possible. Alya saw right through her. “ It’s just Chloé being Chloé.”

“What? I mean, I know the girl is rude as hell, but this is too much even for her.”

“You say that because it’s your first year with her, you don’t know how she used to be.”

It became a little harder to speak for Marinette, as she remembered when she started being Chloé’s classmate. 

“When our first year together started I would try to participate in class as much as I could, and be nice to everyone. But one day she just started making fun of me out of nowhere. I tried to apologize, in case I had said something that offended her, but she still wouldn’t leave me alone.” Marinette’s voice broke a little. Alya couldn’t believe this was the first time she was hearing this. “Every time I got an answer wrong in class, she’d point it out and laugh, during recess she’d follow me around saying all kinds of stuff about me, making sure I could hear all of it. I know it doesn’t sound like much, but I didn’t have any friends back then...” The tears she was holding back started choking her up and she couldn’t continue.

Alya gave Marinette’s hand a little squeeze and said. “It’s okay, I get it.” 

The noirette shot her a teary smile before finishing her story. “A month or so later I decided to lay low, trying my hardest to not be noticed. She stopped targeting me, but every time I stepped out of line she’d just give me a look or do something like putting gum on my seat, and I would go back to being invisible, just so she’d leave me alone.”

“Oh Mari, why didn’t you tell me before?”

“It seemed pointless. After you arrived and gave me your ‘Superhero Speech’ I thought everything had changed” A bitter laugh escaped her lips as she shook her head. After meeting Alya and becoming Ladybug, Marinette started believing what her mom had been telling her all this time; that the only power Chloé had was the one she allowed her to have. And yet here they were, with Marinette crying after school, like she used to four years ago.

“It’s not pointless, girl. I’m your friend, you can tell me any-” Alya’s phone ringed as a notification came through, she didn’t want to look. In an attempt to avoid taking her phone out, she accidentally squeezed Marinette’s hand a little harder, making said girl chuckle at her attempt of self-control.

“That’s your Ladybug alert Alya, you can’t ignore it. It’s okay, don’t worry.” Letting go of Alya’s hand, Marinette settled back into her chaise, trying to keep her expressions as neutral as possible.

“Thanks” The reporter said as her phone’s screen lit up. “Oh damn, guess Hawkmoth found a victim who couldn’t say no.”

_Great._

“You should go, The Ladyblog’s always at the scene, right?” Apparently Hawkmoth didn’t stop his plans for teenage drama. 

“I don’t- “

“Alya” Marinette tried to look reassuring. “It’s okay, just go.”

The redhead wasn’t sure of what to do, but her friend looked a little better now than she did when she arrived. Maybe she could buy some ice cream on her way back. “Fine, but when I get back we’re definitely talking about our feelings, okay?”

“Yes, mom” Marinette answered, walking her to her room’s entrance.

Before leaving, Alya turned to her and, hugging her tightly, whispered. “I’ll get back as soon as I can.” 

It’s this small gesture that nearly breaks Marinette’s act. As her friend holds her, the tears she’s been trying to fight back almost escape her, but she manages to keep them at bay just long enough to hide them from her friend.

“Are you okay, Marinette?” Her kwami’s sweet voice asks from behind the computer.

“I am, Tikki. Don’t worry.” The noirette answered after a second, making sure her voice wouldn’t break.

“I wish you didn’t have to turn into Ladybug today.” Tikki said, fully aware of her chosen’s affliction. If pretending she was okay for her best friend wasn’t hard enough, now she had to pretend everything’s okay in front of the whole city.

“It’s okay Tikki.” It clearly wasn’t. “Besides, I’m kinda curious to see who’s having a worse day than me.” 

After a flash of pink, Ladybug left to save Paris.

 

 

 

The answer was no one. 

No one was having a worse day than her. 

It didn’t take long for Ladybug and Chat Noir to purify the Sleep-themed Akuma that terrorized Paris today. Yes, the villain of the day was Pillowcase, a sleep deprived teenager Ladybug fought, for around 10 minutes, before breaking the slippers where the butterfly was hiding.

Going into the fight, Marinette’s main concern was being too distracted to function as Ladybug, but once she transformed, it was like she didn’t have to worry about Adrien knowing she liked him, or Chloé making fun of her, or anyone having pity on her. No, they felt that way about Marinette, Ladybug was free of all them. 

She’d always thought there was a disconnection between the superhero and her civilian self. The differences between each of them were too many, but those differences had never empowered this much before. Ladybug had always been responsability, but now she was also freedom.

It took all of her willpower not to transform back into Ladybug as soon as Tikki recharged. And, if it hadn’t been for Alya arriving at her doorstep with ice cream and old superhero movies, Ladybug would still be patrolling Paris right now.

But Alya had left a couple of minutes ago. Sensing how tired Marinette was, the reporter decided to call it a night instead of sleeping over like she’d originally intended, it was a school night after all. Once her friend left, Tikki tried to talk to her chosen and congratulate her for a job well done, but it didn’t take long for the Kwami to realize that she wasn’t in the mood for talking. Being the kind creature that she is, the tiny goddess said goodnight to the girl, and floated to the bed, ready to sleep. 

Outside, the lights of the city were as bright as they’d always been, and the sounds of the people underneath, reached her. It was all a reminder of how little the world had changed in the past couple of hours, for everyone but herself. 

Marinette stood on her balcony and looked down at the city she protected, wondering how would Paris react if they knew how pathetic Ladybug really was? What would they do if they knew that, their mighty hero, ran away from Chloé?

 _They’d stop thinking so highly of me_ , she thought, _they’d realize that I’m just a fraud._

_Alya would pretend she’s not disappointed, for my sake_. She closed her eyes.

 _The mayor would probably ask me to leave Paris and never come back._ Her hands gripped the railing.

 _My parents would be so disappointed that I lied to them all this time._ She let out a shaky breath.

 _Adrien would probably be embarrassed for ever thinking highly of Ladybug._ Her legs started shaking underneath her.

One by one, the stitches that had held Marinette’s composure all day long started bursting, leaving behind a girl with a wounded heart that needed mending. All the freedom she’d felt as Ladybug came with a price, and the problems she’d managed to ignore so far, hit her all at once, and had her holding onto the railing of her balcony in an attempt to remain standing.

While she focused on regulating her breathing, she didn’t notice the arrival of a black figure, until he placed his hand on her shoulder. It was almost funny, the way they reacted at the contact, Marinette gasping and turning around in order to face her attacker, and Chat taking a couple of steps back and retracting his hand as if her shoulder had burnt him.

A beat of silence passed as they looked at each other.

“Chat?”

“Uhh um...Hey Marinette!”, Chat responded, in a way that was too much like Adrien, and cleared his throat before continuing, “Hey there, Princess. Didn’t mean to scare you”

“What are you doing here Chat?”. Marinette crossed her arms over her chest and tried to hide her face from the light, holding onto her act of “being fine” for a little longer.

“I was um, patrolling, and I saw you...”. The excuse he’d came up with before leaving his house didn’t seem to want to leave him. So now he stood in front of her, with a heart ready to beat out of his chest, but no answer he could give her. 

What could he say, that he’s been thinking about her all afternoon? That, since she asked him to leave her alone, all he’s wanted is to see her, and make sure she’s okay? What words would make justice to the relief he felt when he realized he wouldn’t have to fight her, this afternoon? And how could he confess, that part of the reason he was standing on her balcony was simply because, he had to see her? Because the feelings, he now knew she had for him, completely changed what he thought of her, and now, his heart was beating in both fear and anticipation, to discover if he looked at her in a different way. He needed to know if his heart was as fickle, as it seemed to be.

He knew there were a thousand reasons that kept him from saying all of this, but what truly stopped him, was the fact that he’d rejected her mere hours ago, and he felt responsible for, at least, part of the pain she was feeling. So he remained quiet, trying to remember the poor excuse he’d come up with, that would justify his presence. 

And then, the light hit her face and he saw its reflection dancing on her cheeks, and everything stopped.

Because this was Marinette. 

The girl that forgave him once he explained himself.

That was quick to reassure him when he doubted his abilities. 

That believed in her friends more than anyone.

That was always ready to defend her loved ones.

The girl that got a crush on him, for some reason, but still treated him like a person.

This was Marinette, and she was crying.

It was almost instinctual, the way he acted. Taking a couple of steps, he stood in front of her and, ignoring the confused look on her face, he wrapped his arms around her petite body and brought her close to him. 

They stood like that for a moment, trying to understand their new proximity. But it wasn’t long before the thin thread that was holding Marinette together, snapped and all the emotions she’d tried to keep at bay, rippled through her. 

Two characters, that had only met a handful of times, shared a moment that felt more comfortable that it should’ve been. But, since the parts they were playing, represent only a half of who they are, neither seemed to mind. It was a strange sort of familiarity that settled between the two teenagers; one that made sense, for each of them, for different reasons.

Marinette cried all the tears she’d been denying, and little more. Chat held her and tried not to shed some of his own. They didn’t need words, but the boy turned “I’m here” into a mantra, that helped the girl in his arms let go of all the pain and self doubt she’d been trying to hide.

Even after the tears stopped and the embrace ended, there was no awkwardness around them. But when they noticed how late it had become, neither knew the right words to say goodbye.

In the end, it was Marinette who spoke first.

“Thanks Chat, for everything”. She wasn’t sure what “everything” conveyed, but it was the only word that felt right, at the moment.

“You’re welcome Princess,”, he said as he brought her hand to his lips and gave it a chaste kiss, “this knight is always at your service”. He finished with a wink that earned him a teary chuckle.

He had taken a couple of steps away when she spoke next. 

“Chat, would you…”. She knew she shouldn’t ask, she couldn’t ask. The logical side of her that made Ladybug the hero she was, begged her to stop, saying it would only put her identity at risk. “...like come back again, sometime?”.

“Sure”, he said, moved by her invitation.

“Great, then I’ll see you later.”, she said smiling a little.

“Goodnight, Princess”. He did his usual salute, trying to ignore the warmth that spread through his chest, as he extended his staff and vaulted away.

“Goodnight, kitty”.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wrote the fight in and it SUCKED, so instead I tried to write around it *shrugs*  
> Please leave comments, suggestions and critiques (I really want to get better at this)
> 
>  
> 
> If you've got questions or comments or anything like that, send me an ask at:  
> http://sunkissedskin1328.tumblr.com/


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *appears 150 years later with a Starbuck*  
> Here's the chapter 3 guys

Ladybug stood on the roof of a building, looking down on the city she protected. Taking a deep breath she willed her heart to slow down to its normal rate. 

Right after becoming a team, she and Chat realized that school and staying up late didn’t mix well, and decided to take turns to patrol the city. Tonight was her night, and she was making the most of it.

The wind blew around her, she closed her eyes. Rain season was near, and a storm seemed to be on its way. The electricity in the air made every nerve in her body, tingle with the leftover adrenaline she got from jumping through the night sky. She took another breath, and opened her eyes.

_‘I should get back soon.’_

There was a flash of light, thunder rumbled in the distance.

_‘I need to get back.’_

The wind blew once more, stronger now. The smell of rain overwhelmed her and she knew her time was running out. 

With a sigh, she took her yo-yo from its place on her hip, and threw it to a nearby building. After taking a final moment to enjoy the view, Ladybug closed her eyes once more. 

She took a deep breath, and jumped.

 

* * *

 

“Why did you come here last night, Chat?” 

The boy swallowed the remnants of the croissant he’d been eating, sitting a little straighter on the box he was using as a chair, and taking his time to answer her question. 

“Can’t a knight save a damsel in distress?” The smirk on his face, or the answer alone, would’ve been enough for Marinette to have a field trip at making fun of his partner any other time. But not tonight. 

“I guess.” Was all she said, before taking another sip from her tea. 

It still amazed her, the comfortable way silence settled between them. It was enveloping and still, thick, but not pressing; it was nice. 

“So, how was your day Princess?” Chat asked as he took another pastry from the plate on the edge of Marinette’s chair. The girl held her legs a little tighter to her chest. 

“Alright, I guess.” the look he gave her made it clear she’d have to elaborate. “I helped my parents in the bakery, sketched for a while, and hung out with Alya for a bit.” 

“And how about school? Did you have a good time at school today, did you learn something interesting?” He asked, barely letting her answer his first question. For some reason he was very interested on her education. 

“I um...didn’t go to school today” 

“What?? Why??” 

Or lack of it. 

“I…” _‘Wasn’t strong enough to deal with all the drama in my life. Didn’t want to see Adrien or Chloé or anyone else for that matter’_ “...woke up with a migraine s-so Maman told me to stay in bed, until I felt better” 

For a second, confusion flickered through his face, almost like he was considering whether he believed her or not. Marinette tried not to think too much about his hesitation.

“And, do you feel better now?” The air around them shifted, and once again that weird familiarity settled between them. 

There was no way she could deny, or ignore, the warmth behind his eyes. From the way he was looking at her right now, the baker’s daughter knew that she could bare her soul to him, or recite the alphabet backwards, and her cat would listen intently to anything that came out of her mouth. 

Not for the first time that day, the girl was left wondering if her partner had discovered her secret or if he was simply this nice to everyone he met. As flirty as she knew the boy to be, she wouldn’t dare to chalk up his treatment to a trick or a play to get “damsels in distress” to swoon in his arms. 

_Chat would never do that, he’s a genuine person._

“Yeah, a little” She answered, knowing that neither of them was talking about her “migraine”. There was a beat of silence. 

In any other situation, this would be the moment Chat’s questions regarding her breakdown last night would start flowing. But they never came. Instead, the boy leaned a little closer to her, looked into her in the eyes with an intensity that made Marinette blush against her will, and gave her the most sincere smile she’d ever received. 

“I’m glad to hear that” He stretched his arm in front of him, making Marinette’s heart beat a little faster for a second, and reached for another croissant. He took a bite, and the bubble they were in, bursted. And they went back to being two acquaintances enjoying a cup of tea and a plate of pastries, beneath a starry night. 

* * *

 

Rain was pouring down. 

As fast as the heroine was, nature caught up with her. Now, everytime Ladybug landed, water splashed around her, making her shiver twice as much whenever the wind blowed.

Lightning flashed in the distance, reminding the heroine how dangerous her usual sprint across the parisian skyline actually was. Anxiety started bubbling in her chest and she knew that a moment of self doubt in this situation, would only get her in trouble.

_Her breathing, rain falling in the distance, her feet pounding against the rooftops._

This is how she gets ahold of her emotions, finding a rhythm and following it’s beat. By the time she approaches the ledge of a particularly large building, her anxiety has pretty much disappeared. Laughing at how fast her emotions got out of control, she threw her yo-yo and jumped into the sky.

Everything happened in slow motion. The gust of wind that made her shiver, also changed the trajectory of her weapon. It missed its target, and Ladybug knew she wouldn’t have enough time to send it flying again. 

She was falling.

Suddenly, a black blur entered her field of vision and a second later her back was hitting the hard, wet roof of the building across the street from where she took her last leap. She couldn’t remember the impact, or the call of warning, the only thing going through her adrenaline-high brain was the fact that she wasn’t so cold anymore.

“…tried to switch places but we were going too fast.” A voice said, somewhere above her and she chose to pay attention to it. “Are you okay?”

It took her a moment to understand what happened, how she went from falling to ending up under her partner. But before she could react about how they were positioned, a nervous laugh escaped her, after hearing his question.

“I’m fine Chat, thank you” The boy got up and helped her to her feet.

“We should take cover, it doesn’t look like it will stop raining soon” His face twisted in a displeased way, as he tried to cover his cat ears from the rain. 

_He’s such a cat._

The building they were on was one of the smallest ones of the block, so they were able to find a little cover from the rain by sitting on the spot where the neighboring construction, and the one they landed on, met. 

Chat tried to get rid of the water excess in his hair by shaking his head, splashing Ladybug in the process. The girl responded by flicking his human ear, which got her a small whimper from her partner.

“No need for the aggression, Bugaboo” He leaned into her with a grin on his face.

“You were misbehaving kitty, and I left my water spray at home.” The heroine countered as she let her hair down. Placing it all on one side, she squeezed as much water off it as she could. 

Chat remained silent and when she turned to look at him, she found him staring at her with an awed look on his face. Like almost every night for the past two weeks, the girl felt a nervous flutter in her stomach. 

It was only then that she noticed how close they were. Sitting side by side, their bodies almost touching, she could see the drops of rain clinging onto his face. Chat was still looking at her, which made the small place they shared, feel even tinier. If she concentrated, she could feel the warmth of his breath on her chin. It didn’t help her regain control of her nerves.

“Soo, what are you doing here Chat?” She looked away and brought her legs close to her chest. 

“I wouldn’t miss a chance to see you, bug” He answered as he got as comfortable as he could on the limited space available.

“Right, so you were just fashionably late for patrol?”

“You know me so well, My Lady” He winked and looked away. 

She did know him, in the past two weeks Marinette had discovered many things about her partner. She knew he loved croissants over any other pastry, but he still liked everything her parents baked. She realized he’d been to the bakery as his civilian self at some point, because he asked for their quiche one night. Green tea was his favorite, but when she decided to serve hot chocolate instead, he drank it like it was his first cup in years. He could quote any Disney movie at the drop of a hat. And even if he wasn’t the best singer in the world, he’d sing a song from his favorite movies, to cheer up a crying friend.

“Hey, what’s got you so worried?” She asked him when she followed his gaze. He was looking in the direction of her house.

“Nothing, it’s just…” He turned to look at her ”..I went to visit a friend, but she didn’t come out to meet me.” He looked so disappointed about not seeing Marinette tonight, that Ladybug had to stop looking at him to handle her guilt.

“Paying night visits to lady friends, huh? Should I be jealous?” She regretted asking that question the second it left her lips. 

Judging by his reaction, he didn’t seem to like it either, it wasn’t the reaction she’d expected. Her playful question hanged in the air between them, almost like a curse.

“There’s nothing to be jealous about, My Lady” He managed to say, his voice void of it’s previous joy.

She wanted to ask him what he meant, but didn’t dare. The insecurities that have festered in her heart since that day at school, almost make her assume that he’s talking about Marinette. And that the reason she shouldn’t be jealous is because all the things she knows she lacks. But she knows Chat would never compare two girls like that. 

Still with a thousand things on her mind, Ladybug didn’t notice how quiet her partner was being. Which might have been for the better, considering the gloomy look on his face. They stayed put, hiding from the rain, each thinking of their own set of problems. 

* * *

 

 

Chat was…weird. Not generally, well maybe a little, but tonight he was acting specially weird. He was skittish, acted like he didn’t know what to do with himself, and kept avoiding her gaze. Marinette wanted to think he was nervous, but it didn’t make sense. Why would he start feeling nervous after a week and a half of seeing her almost every night? 

As much as she knew she had no reason to feel responsible for his weirdness, after the days she had she couldn’t avoid thinking maybe she had something to do with it. Wrapping her blanket a little tighter around her shoulders, she took a sip from her tea in an attempt to calm her anxiety.  

Chat was leaning on the railway with his back turned to her, stealing glances every now and then while pretending to look down to the city. Letting go of a sigh, the noirette left her teacup on the table, closed her eyes, and tried to calm down. 

_ Her breathing, the cars beneath, the beating of her heart. _

Slowly , she managed to let go of the left over anxiety she carried from that morning and opened her eyes. All she could see was green. It didn’t make sense until she recognized the pair of green irises that stood inches away from her face. 

With an unceremonious yelp, the surprised girl jumped off her chair, managing to land on her butt. 

“Stupid cat, scaring me like that” Marinette muttered under her breath as she tried to lift herself up. 

“Are you okay, Princess?” asked the aforementioned cat, after composing himself from his own surprise. 

“Yeah, I am” came the grumbled response, “What were you doing, Chat? Apart from scaring me to death?” 

Her questions might have come a little harsher than intended, but Marinette tried to pay no mind to it. Picking her fallen blanket from the floor, she threw it around her shoulders without much care, and sat back down on her chair. 

“Sorry, I was just checking to see if you’d fallen asleep.” Chat answered once she was settled on her seat, half expecting her to fall down again if his posture was anything to go by. 

“And you had to check an inch from my face?” the girl crossed her arms in front of her chest in a way that would’ve made Mannon proud. 

“No, it’s just- there isn’t much light and-“ once again Marinette couldn’t help but notice how nervous her partner looked, but her embarrassment didn’t let her think too much about that fact. 

“You could’ve called my name or something” she grumbled again with narrowed eyes. 

“I know, it’s just” Chat let out a sigh as his shoulders sagged in defeat “I wanted to check if you were crying” he mumbled. 

Marinette's anger was replaced with a sense of guilt that washed over her like a bucket of cold water. Chat looked at her, waiting for a reaction, his ears flat against his head. A small “oh” was all the response she could come up with, but it seemed to be enough for the boy to keep talking. 

“I know school can be hard at times, and I heard that you’ve had a rough time lately…” he sat at the end of the beach chair the girl was using, doing his best to give her as much space as the seat allowed “…I just want you to know that I’m here, and I’m willing to listen to anything you want to say.” 

It doesn’t take long for her to start crying, the memories of that first night in her balcony and this past week and a half at school are more than enough for her to lose her hold on her sorrow. The main difference between that first night and right now was that the boy in front of her made no move to bring her into his arms. 

“I…I don’t know where to start.” She says, overwhelmed. 

“The beginning could be a good place” her catboy says with an encouraging smile. 

“Right, umm… About a week ago Chloé, the major’s daughter, she umm, told everyone in my class that I had a…” Her voice has been shaky through out her little speech, but as she remembers him, the knot in her throat makes it harder for her to speak. After a deep breath, she adds “a crush on someone…Adrien.” 

Chat listened to her closely, trying his hardest to hide the grimace that wanted to overtake his masked face. She couldn’t tell if his name meant anything to him or not, but she didn’t want to delve into who her crush _‘Ex-Crush’_ was.

“Well, she didn’t say it as much as she yelled it. In front of the classroom…he was there.” She fought the story out of her chest with as much force as she could, knowing that it would be better in the end. And tired of being the only one who knows what really affects her. 

“He rejected me, of course…” Chat looked like he wanted to add something, but she knew that she wouldn’t be able to continue if she stopped talking “…but that’s not what truly hurt me.” 

She whispered that last line into the night, marveling at how foreign her own story feels on her lips. It’s the first time she says it out loud, with Nino telling Alya and her parents not wanting to press her into sharing. Marinette is pretty sure they know anyhow, if the looks they share with her friend, and try to hide from her, are any indication. Still, they know what happened, not how it affected her. 

“Everyone- my friends, they just stood there, watching.” She said, her voice shaking. “ And the way they looked at me. It was confirmation to everything Chloé said…they pitied me.” 

Anger and indignation flooded her heart and she stopped crying out of sadness. “After everything we’ve been through, after everything I’ve done for them, they just stared at me.” 

That fact in particular caused the most damage. Marinette had no doubt that she and Ladybug were nothing alike. But seeing the difference between the way her friends looked at each version of herself only managed to broaden the rift that existed, between personas, in her mind. 

With her hands in fists she tried to calm down without fully succeeding. “And now they treat me like I’m made of glass, like I’ll break if I get too upset, or if they talk to me, or if they look at me for too long.” 

She stands up from her seat and walks over to the railway. A part of her tells her to transform, to jump _‘Chat wouldn’t mind, he’d finally find me’._

This is why she hasn’t explained herself to anyone. This is why Alya still thinks she only cries over a rejection from the boy she loved. Feelings are too much, they make their way through you, infecting everything they touch until you can’t sketch or saw or listen to a song without crying. They arrive and demand to be felt, they demand from you to pay attention, to listen to their call and do as they command. 

This is why she doesn’t talk, so she doesn’t have to feel. But Chat is here, he’s here and he’s not demanding. His words were and invitation she gladly took, and she’s happy she did. As much as she doesn’t want to feel, she knows that feelings fester and rot, making everything worse and corrupting even more things in their wake. She’s tired of them, she just wants them to stop. 

A hand is on her shoulder, all of the sudden, and she stops looking down. 

“They won’t break me” she whispers “…I’m already broken.” 

There are phrases that hurt just by being. They hurt if you hear them in the mouth of a stranger, like a nerve being pulled and played with. But when this phrases leave your own lips, they leave a hole behind them. They’re believes, fears we’ve guarded for so long, must of us can’t remember where they came from. They become part of our foundations. 

So when Marinette mutters that phrase to the boy beside her, she feels herself crumble into pieces. 

He holds her now, trying to absorb her whimpers with his chest. Letting her cry the tears he knew she was holding. As he brushes her hair and rubs her back, the girl in his arms tells him, through sobs and hiccups, every fear that’s kept her awake at night. 

“I’m nothing but a mess…” 

“…I’m just a fraud…” 

“…everyone knows it…I’m not good enough…” 

“…I’m never enough” 

* * *

 

The rain is letting up now, the fierce storm that held them captive is nothing more than a light shower. Both teenagers stand from their hiding spot, willing to endure a little rain in order to get a hot bath. 

As they stretch their stiff muscles, Ladybug hears a sigh from her partner and turns to look at him. He’s still looking in the direction of her home, worry clear on his face.

“What’s wrong?” she asks him.

“Nothing, it’s just that…” he turn to look at her, and Ladybug’s momentarily breathless at the intensity of his stare “…she needs me, Ladybug. And I really want to be there for her.”

The guilt she’s felt for the past two weeks, settles in the pit of her stomach, making her feel twice as heavy as before. She wants to tell him that she knows, she knows he’ll be there because he’s proven it. She wants to tell him that he’s done more than enough, for someone who doesn’t deserve it. But she can’t, so she doesn’t.

“I’m sure she knows, Chat.” It’s all she says in the end.

“I hope” he answers, looking into the distance once more. After a beat of silence, he adds “Ladybug, are friends?”

It takes her by surprise, both the question and the nervousness behind it. 

“Of course we are, Chat. We’re partners”

“I know we’re partners, but…that’s not the same. “ He looks to her once more, his eyes pleading something Ladybug can’t quite give yet “Friends share things with each other, secrets, fears, problems.”

She stays frozen in place, unable to act. 

“We’ve know each other for almost a year” He keeps saying “and I know nothing about you. We fight crime and trust each other with our lives, but you won’t even tell me what’s wrong”

“Wrong?” she manages to ask.

“Yes, I know you try to put it aside and act like nothings wrong, but I know you LB. Or at least, I think I do.” His hand goes through his hair, leaving it spiky on it’s wake “ You’re not yourself, you’re…sadder, somehow.”

He waits for a response. She doesn’t say anything.

After a sigh he continues. “I know we have to be careful, but I want to be there for you. I hope you know that.”

The sincerity in his voice almost makes her cry, but she doesn’t. Ladybug doesn’t cry.

Instead, she walks the distance between them, and much like he did two weeks ago, she hugs him. Her hands go to his neck, and his go to her waist. She tries to convey everything she feels for him into the hug.

_Admiration, respect, love._

She thinks of this things one by one, making sure to not leave anything behind. The rain doesn’t bother them and neither does the cold, so they stay like that for as long as they can.

“I can’t tell you what’s wrong with me…yet” she whispers into his ear after a couple of minutes. “But I will, I promise.” 

She moves back a little, just enough to look at him without braking their embrace. “I know you’re there for me, Chat, I do. I just need to get there too”

“I’ll wait, then” He responds, his eyes a little dazed.

“It might take a while”

“I don’t care, I’ll wait” She smiles at him and that brings back a bit of the Chat she’s come to know. 

“I’ll even look for you.” he adds, with a cheery spark in his eye.

“Fine, but I won’t be easy to find” She says, chuckling a little.

“Is that a challenge, Bugaboo?” And just like that, her partner, her friend, smirks and jokes. And she smiles.

Taking a couple of steps back, Ladybug goes to stand on the edge of the roof top, her yo-yo in hand “ Only if you can take it, Minou”

“Of course I can, I’m Chat Noir” The wink he gives her makes her heart flutter for a second, and she does her best to ignore it.

“Let’s see what you’ve got, then” Giving him a wink of her own, she threw her weapon to the next building; and jumped.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I disappeared for a while guys, and I'm SO sorry. But I finally finished this chapter and I'm really happy with the end result.
> 
> Hope you like it, as usual comments and critiques are welcomed. And if you want to complain about the delay you can do it here:  
> http://mclg13.tumblr.com/
> 
> Love ya!


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